Life is such a complicated, messy and beautiful creature. A bit of the mess and beauty to come.
I applied for the Peace Corps. I did it! After one failed job interview and tons of hesitation I finally decided it's what I really wanted. I tried to convince myself I'd be happy at a different job. A new job was definitely the change I needed in my life! I was just lying to myself though because I was terrified.
To be honest I still am scared. Of course there are the normal fears that come up in my mind. I am going to be away from my family for 2 years. Away from my boyfriend for 2 years. Away from my dogs and cats for two whole years! That's really freaking scary, but I got it. I know I do.
What I am really terrified of though, is that they will not accept me. I have had so many health issues in the past years. I am still dealing and trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with me. There are certain things that the peace corps will just not accept. I won't even know if I am medically cleared to join until AFTER they accept me. What kind of bullcrap is that? I have to get accepted, and then potentially be told I am not healthy enough to join =/.
Healthcare and doctors suck. I mean, don't get me wrong I have met some awesome doctors in my experiences so far. My OBGYN and GI doctor being just a few. I couldn't tell you though how many crappy ones I had to go through. From talking over me, telling me I am too young to be having these problems - so they must not be problems, to just the old fashion doctors that do not care about your well being at all. It is hard find good healthcare.
I thought I was done with the whole healthcare scene for a bit. I thought after my 5th surgery in five years I was done!! But of course, I was wrong.
I was in so much pain. I can't explain to you the amount of pain and exhaustion I was feeling 2 months ago. It seemed never ending. With at least 3 ER visits, one to KU Med just because of the pain. A colonosocopy at 22! Lab work, CT scans, 5 billion ultra sounds and the only answers I got was a whole lot of nothing!
I think that's been the mantra of my healthcare life thus far. Nothing, nothing at all is wrong. Well luckily after a couple long months we found something. Twenty or more surgerical clips had made there way into the top part of my colon and decided to hang out. We presume they were used in my previous surgery a year earlier when my ovay and appendix where removed. My body just decided to reject them and move them into a much more painful area.
We removed them though! I thought, "hey, that was an easy enough fix, all better!" Wrong, again. Here I am a little over a month later in pain in the same area. To top it all off a host of digestion issues and complete exhastion.
It's hard to tell is the exhaustion from the pain? Maybe it's from a hormonal imbalance? Or maybe it's just from having to deal with these dang medical professionals AGAIN.
So here I am once again having to go to doctors appointments, taking medications with terrible side affects, giving blood work and the likes. Right now though, we are looking into a hormone imbalance. So we at least have some direction.
I was referred by my GI doctor to a endocrinologist. I was excited because I like this GI doctor and respect his opinion, so i had hoped I would like this endocrinologist as well. Sadly i will never get to find out. The doctor does not accept my insurance, so if I went to him I'd have to pay even more out of pocket expenses. So instead I am having to hunt down another endocrinologist that does take my insurance, is taking new patience and then get referred to them. Only to likely have to wait another month or so to have a consultation visit. Life - sucks. hepatic parenchyml
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Enough complaining, I just needed to vent a bit. Remember, I needed some therapy? Really though, I am alive and well enough to get out of bed everyday and I am beyond thankful for that. I just have to keep reminding myself that when things get a little tough, a Positive mind = a Positive Life.
